At 4zzz, we acknowledge the traditional owners.

Of the land on which we broadcast.

We pay our respects to the elders.

Past, present and emerging of the Turbul and Jagera people.

We acknowledge that their sovereignty over this.

Land was never ceded and we stand.

In solidarity with them. You're listening to transm on 4zzz amplifying the trans and gender non conforming voices of Brisbane and beyond. You're listening to Transmission on 4zzz. This is Sean, your abomination about town. And my pronouns are not forgetting to acknowledge the trans community in my Oscars speech. She, her.

Oh, and I'm Heidi and my pronouns are your majesty. Nah, but for real. She, her.

My darling, it's a delight to be here with you. I wan just do a quick shout out and remind everyone that four ZZZ broadcasts from the unceded land of the Jagera and Turrbal people. And if you would like to say say it with me. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Hells yes. So my darlings, welcome to Transmission. We've got Heidi and I have a wonderful show that we're, we're figuring out today. We're going to be talking about self care and looking after yourself and looking after your community. My darlings. We're gonna try and do a chill vibe today. You know, obviously a lot of the things that have been happening in the world at the moment have been really difficult and since last week when Hazel and myself were on talking about travel and some of the practicalities around that, there's been further developments of the ongoing swear jar time shitshow that is politics in the US and all the conversations around the world. So we'll have to do an update on that. But in the meantime Heidi and I, yeah we wanted to do a conversation about self care which, which I think everybody should would benefit from being reminded of.

Yes. And I guess talking about self care, one of the things that I didn't want to like have this come across as is like oh like face masks and wine and products and you know like because to me self care is way more than that. That's like such a small part of self care.

Oh, oh let's and let's, let's, let's put a, let's FL tag that off the top that there is a, an ultra consumerist co opting of the notion of self care. There is absolutely a culture that exists out there saying that says essentially screw everyone else. I'm going to do something for me in a selfish way. Yeah, that individualism thing and, and the hyper, yeah, the hyper individualism that exists, that gets dressed up as self care. That's not, that's not self.

That's not. And I think if you deep, if you dig deep enough, you find out that like community care is also self care. And talking about community care because this is, you know, parallel to self care. I've had a lot of people talking about, you know, people like myself who talk about community care and they're like, oh, but what does that look like? I'm like, well, for people who do community care, we already know, we've already been doing it for years and it's already functional. And so like a good example of that is in the community spaces that I'm in, we are those types of people that like, when we need something, we ask for it and one of the community helps provide, all of the community helps to provide. That's community care. So it's not this far out notion of, you know, it's actually already happening.

Yeah, like, I mean, the conversations around what mutual aid is and the misunderstanding that it's a handout and I'm like, no, mutual aid is not a handout. You're. You are filling a well that the community uses. If you have the capacity to fill the well. Because there will be times when you need to draw from the well 100 and that model as community care requires individuals to kind of step off from the, the notions of having always having to do labour for others around them and understand that there is a sort of a reciprocal nature. Now, if there isn't a reciprocal nature, obviously that you're in a situation where you're not being respected or that you're being exploited, like, obviously that is a, that is in itself a problem and needs to be addressed. But community care looks like offering kindness and compassion to those around you. It looks like spending time with your community. That in itself.

And, and it's, it's exactly like, it's, it's not even always just like monetary. Like I said this in the last time I was on, like, it's not always monetary. So like in one of the groups that I facilitate, it's basically, it's like we have a rule of like, you know, give more than you receive because there's going to be a time when you're really going to need a lot of help. But that giving more than you receive thing like that builds up the stockpile of support. And it can be not necessarily money, but it can be time spent with community. You know, I have a tonne of people in my inbox every single day. And sometimes it can be a lot of emotional labour.

Yeah.

But at the end of the day, I know also that if I'm ever struggling, I can reach out to my community and they have always got my back. Yeah, 100 of the time. Every single time.

Yeah. And I suppose there's that, there's that misunderstanding around like what actually is emotional labour in the sense of this goes back to sort of the real heteronormative stuff that exists in the world and the way that, you know, you often hear cisgendered heterosexual couples talking about how she just wants to vent and wants him to say, yeah, you're right, that really sucks. But instead he says, oh, well, here's the problem and this is how you fix it. And it's like, no, bro, just, just, just validate, don't, don't solve. Yeah, don't, don't try and fix. Just hear it and acknowledge the reality of it so that person is able to carry the burden themselves. And so like emotional labour for your community very much the vast majority of the time looks like the validation, the saying, yeah, that sucks for you. For real, those. How many words was that? Yeah, that sucks for you. Five words. The five words can in most cases do far more than a 10 point plan on how to resolve an issue.

Yeah, I got a voicemail. Oh my God, I sound ancient. Like a, like a voice memo.

On voice note.

Yeah, voice note. Yeah, whatever. On.

That's less. That's better, that's better. That's less.

We're getting there.

That's less, that's less boomer and more zoomer. Thank you.

Yeah, girl, I'm from the country. Copy some slack. No, but I got this message from. So I refer to people that come to me as like my trans babies.

Yeah, yeah.

There is that culture within my community. It's our community where we kind of take on these different familial roles without it actually being a familial role. But it's just like a, you know, like, you know, auntie, uncle.

That's an element of motherhood and taking.

Responsibility and guiding and guiding. Because this. So she's like 15, 16 years old and she has her first boyfriend and so she was quite lucky that she transitioned quite young and she's able to access like hormone blockers. And she started HRT now and so she has passing privilege and so she was blessed. She came to me to talk about how to handle the issues that come with when people find out and she no longer has the passing privilege anymore. And I was able in that moment to give back to my community and teach her all of these things, all the, all the pain that I went through and still go through as a visible trans woman who hasn't got the option to pass. I can guide her through these feelings, these new situations that she's going through that she's never had to deal with before. And to me, that's, that is community care. That, that is. Yeah, yeah. And also talking about how you, you kind of touched on the point of like when you come to somebody and you're doing those five words, like, what.

Was it that really sucks for you? Or like, yeah, like, yeah, I'm sorry that really. I'm sorry that this is something you have to experience.

Yes. And, and I have this. I was talking to you about it. I talked to a few people about my partner and I. Last week I had this emotional breakdown where I heard about that young gentleman from overseas. I'm not going to go too deep into it. I don't want to trigger anyone.

Yeah, yeah. And that's a whole episode in itself to talk about 100 the appropriate amount of space.

And I, I kind of explained that situation. I broke down in tears and it really upset him as well. And he didn't really know what to do with that because he's cisgender heterosexual. So he' he's, he's never, I guess, been exposed to these types of traumas. Right.

And he's also been trained by society and culture to actively go in the opposite direction from being able to sit with things. So.

Yeah. So for us, it was actually a really big like learning moment, I think, for him because he got to kind of see and feel this pain that the community feels all the time because he could channel it through me. And in that moment I had to say to him, I'm like, I don't need you to fix it. I don't need you to tell me the right words. I don't need you to do anything. Just sit with me. And then we cried together and we just cuddled. And you know what? After we did that, and this is coming back to the whole self care thing because one of the things when I reached out to the community being like, what do you do for self care? One of the things that someone said and I loved it, was I cry.

Yeah.

Because after we had a cry, I felt so much better.

Yeah.

He took a little bit longer because.

Those poor cisgendered men have real trouble having to find their footing back with.

That one, I think it's because it was so intense for him, but also so new for him to feel this level of rage and vulnerability and vulnerability. And so it took him a little bit of time to adjust to it. But the point of it was like, we can't heal, we can't regulate unless we get this stuff out. Sometimes. Sometimes we just need to sit with the really horrible, terrible feelings and not try to turn them into something else. Just let them be what they are.

Yeah.

But then have a backup plan.

And there's a.

When you need to come out of that.

Yeah. And there's a real connection here. But you can give, you know, support and space for people's emotions and feelings and do it in such a way that doesn't take something from you. Yes. And that finding that balance is important. Otherwise you are just continually drawing water from your well and never replenishing it.

I think that's also a really important note to pass on to our cisgender allies as well. Is, you know, another thing too is like, just remind yourself it's not actually happening to you. So decenter yourself in that moment. Be present with the people that are going through it. But.

And I suppose there's that thing of. I like to think that there's a responsibility. I was posting, I was obviously being an obnoxious idiot on it. But I was posting over on Substack about the idea that somewhere out there a fascist is doing cardio.

Yeah.

And if you are like me, a person who is blessed to be able bodied. I have a responsibility to my community to ensure that I am keeping this body ready to stand between the people in my community who are not able to do that 100% and obviously no one it is about it. But making a personal choice, a personal obligation. I'm not saying that everybody who is fit and able needs to go and punch a fascist. That is absolutely.

I'm not even able bodied. And I'll do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like this.

I got a cane, right?

That's right. You swing that bad boy. That idea that you, you know, mutual aid and support for your community. That's an example of what it looks like.

Yeah. I remember a friend of mine, Nadine Al Shamali, she. She posted this little visual thing and it was basically like a breakdown of all the different roles in a community setting and in like a revolutionary framework. And each individual has their very specific kind of role. Sometimes we can cross over a couple. But not everyone has to march. Not everyone has to fight. Not everyone has to yell.

Absolutely.

We've got so many different roles within the community that again, like self care is kind of identifying within yourself what your role is in this community. Shift.

And this is the, and this is, and this is at the heart of what the problem with things like capitalism and patriarchy are in the world is because those, those various segments of all communities have always existed.

Yes.

But certain individuals took their positions in that and elevated them as being more valuable to others 100% in order to.

Have down to that like hyper individualism thing where it separates us from community. We start developing these hierarchies of, you know, value and responsibility. And I think that is like a consequence of capitalism.

Absolutely.

And the way that we are now.

But yeah, like so, yeah, step one.

Yeah.

Remind yourself that you exist within a network of people and that you have a responsibility to them because they are looking after you whether you like it or not. Short of you going and living in a cabin in the woods and having zero contact with any other human beings, you are, you, you are existing within a community and getting benefits from that. And so the first step is knowing that we're going to throw over to a little bit more music and we're going to come back and we're going to talk a little bit more about, about care and support. But also we are going to talk about last week. For anyone listening. Last week I did something a little bit controversial. There was a few text messages about it. I claimed Jimmy Barnes for the trans community because I'm of the opinion that if there's not enough representation for trans folk in the media, we need to just start taking them for ourselves. I am, I don't want to make transness more mainstream. I want to make the mainstream more trans. And there is a very big difference between those two things. And so last week I played the, played Flame Trees for the listeners and explained about how for, to me, you know, in a Death of the Author kind of way, that song very much reads as a trans man going back to his community and experiencing the ghost of, of the woman that he had been forced to be. And yeah, like the, the reality is there needs to be more trans representation in media. And while it's delightful to see the, the sum that, that we do have, it is a very white, very young, very conventionally attractive, very. Yeah, there is, there is a particular type of trans person that exists but I want to see a full bodied person of colour, of indeterminate gender on home and away and I swear to God, if I don't see That I taking beloved Australian celebrities and declaring them as trans. Next week, Cate Blanchett trans the week after. Hugo Weaving, trans Margot Robbie.

Is this transvestigating but like in reverse?

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. We'll just claim them. We'll do a month of Hemsworth. One Hemsworth a week will be claimed as being honorary trans men.

All right?

If we don't start seeing proper representation and you know, you know for a fact Chris Hemsworth would love the shit out of that. Chris Hemsworth, the patron saint, defender of lesbians, like in a heartbeat. If I declared him and claimed him as being an honorary trans man, he would have a squad of funky trans goblin dudes around him all doing bicep curls, being all like some good work boys. Like you know it would happen. So here's the deal. I am going to keep talking about claiming media for our experiences and how it speaks to us and the truth of that and maybe, maybe you all should start doing it too. Amplifying the voices of the trans and gender non conforming community of Meanjin, Brisbane and beyond. Transmission on Fortable Z brings you the latest in trans community news, music and events. Every Tuesday from 9am till 10am Join our team of hosts for an hour of celebrating the unique perspectives of the trans community. Transmission Tuesday mornings from 9am till 10am on board, you're listening to Transmission on 4 Triple Z. I am Sean, your abomination about town and my pronouns are colonising your pop culture faves.

She, her and I'm Heidi and I don't have anything witty to say. So she, her.

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that is a valid, that is a valid.

Or was that the witty thing?

Oh my darlings, we are talking about care and support both from the community perspective and the individual perspective. We were talking quite a lot there in the wide rambling conversations that you are known to have about patriarchy, mutual aid, socialism. But I wanted to talk more about now in this, in this block about individual care. Care for yourself.

Yeah.

What are your strategies and tactics, Heidi, that you use to look after yourself?

Well, this is the thing, right? So like, like we were talking about before, there's kind of like these fairy tales about self care and you know, oh, I have a glass of wine and I do a face mask and I'm better. That's not how it works for me. Often what I'm doing to cope is really like a survival strategy. And so I talked about this in the group that I was, that I admin that I reached out to, to ask, like, what do you guys do? And a lot of it is like we have people who struggle with or indulge in alcohol and other drugs. Yeah. So here's where it gets complicated. Because yes, alcohol and other drugs can be a problem. But something that I learned, I, I went to rehab when I was 20, I spent almost a year in rehab when I was 20. And one thing that I learned from there was, yeah, it wasn't healthy, but if I didn't have that thing at the time, I probably wouldn't be here.

Yeah.

So it was a tool to get me, it was a stepping stone to get me to where I needed to go. So if that's something that you're doing, obviously keep an eye on it, get some support for it if you need it, but don't hate yourself for it because if it's keeping you here, that's what's keeping you here. And then so it's about like a harmony. Right. I don't believe in like this abstinence.

Yeah. I think there should be a clear eyed view of things like substance abuse. There's a real 100, there's a real problem happening at the moment in the men's mental health space. There's some really, actually quite vile and toxic operators that seem to just be using them, those sort of programmes as exploitation for themselves. And there's been all this conversation about like, oh, having a beer with the boys, mental health. And I'm like the, you need to tread carefully about that because it's impossible to have care and support by engaging in some of those social activities.

Yeah. And, but this is, this is where it comes into as well. Like yes, 100%. Like we've got to, we've got to understand that it's, it's not curative and it's not not caring for yourself, but it is harm minimising and it is, it is a strategy that a lot of people will use. It's something that I've had to use in the past.

One slope that exists there needs to always be acknowledged.

Yeah. And I, I put it in the same vein as one of my coping strategies which is now, since I'm not in the drugs and alcohol ballpark so much anymore, I'm now, you know, I struggle with overeating. I haven't diagnosed eating disorder. I'm happy to be open about that because I think that we need to talk about these things. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder at the end of last year. Something I've struggled with my whole Life. But it has been something that I've fall. I fell back on quite a bit to just get me through the hard feelings when I didn't know how to cope with them. I still fall into it sometimes. What I do for like restorative and not so much curative self care, but restorative self care is I stay connected to one or two people that I know I can call if they need to, if I need them to come over, if I need to get out of the house. Because that's one of the other things I do when I'm struggling is I isolate.

Yeah.

And that was a very common thing. That was a common thread that I heard from people messaging me when I did a call out. And, and I found, like, it's hard because in that moment, like isolation feels good in the moment, but if you do it for long enough, you get worse, you get trapped. But this is why the restorative part of self care for me is staying connected with at least someone.

And it all seems like really obvious things, but it needs to be keep stated because people fall into these traps so easily, moderating things like drug and alcohol use, moderating things like, you know, either as you've described, the act of overeating or unfortunately, in my case, the opposite of prolonged periods of like fasting. Yeah, I'm not gonna. I'm, you know, I'm not maybe not ready to talk about that explicitly on air.

Everyone's at their own.

Everyone's at their own spot.

I've done a lot of work on this. Absolutely. And I've been very public about this over the past couple of years because it comes into that. That realm of addiction.

Yeah, yeah.

And what is addiction but a coping mechanism? Right.

And it, and there is a huge spectrum of ways that manifests, you know, like we said, drug and alcohol, you know, disordered eating, workaholism, workaholism, risky sex practises, you know, like, that's absolutely a thing that needs to be acknowledged and talked about and something that bears that examination. I know in myself there's been times in my life where I have, you know, engaged in things that were less than safe for me only because of the want to lose myself in something.

Yes.

You know, and that's. And that's just. Yeah, that's a real. That's a problem.

It is, yeah. I think also, like, I'm going to touch on kind of like the. There is. There is like a root to the term self care too. It started in the medical field and it was in relation to people with chronic illness and mental health and the importance of self care and da da da. But it was actually the Black Panther Party that revolutionised it and so it became an important revolutionary act to take care of your body, to take care of your mind, to take care of your spirit and to take care of your community. And it was collective.

For any of you out there who aren't as familiar with black, the Black Panthers and only really know the pop cultural militant side of that movement, you should spend a little bit of time doing some research and discovering the. The magnificent. It's, it's really community focused mutual aid, you know, care for, for the elderly, care for people with disabilities, care for children, the community, the rebuilding the village as it were.

100 it is, it is a really inspirational like framework of community care.

Do not, do not limit your understanding to the very white conservative interpretation of those events.

Yeah.

So yeah. So I want to do that. Shout out to everyone about having the perspective on yourselves about the way in which you deal with stress and it can be as simple as the. Oh wow. I realise I'm doing more doom scrolling. I need to get off the apps.

And kind of I want to touch on because I don't want it to come across that I am like condoning people who lean into some of their more addictive traits and habits and stuff. It's. For me, I want people to understand what that actually is when it comes to the concept of self care. Because I think what you're trying to do with self care, you're trying to manage big emotions, big hard times. But truly self care is being able to look at those behaviours like I do with myself and go I can recognise why I'm doing this. I understand it and I'm not going to hurt myself over it. I'm not going to hate myself over it. But I do have to acknowledge what that is and I have to understand that I can't stay here and there's got to be a way for me to work through that. Yeah. And because I feel like I didn't explain it well enough earlier but that is my perspective on it.

Self care comes from self awareness 100%.

Yeah. You can't get to self care without.

Self awareness, otherwise it's just superficial and you're probably ending up contributing to the capitalist bullshit.

You end up with a glass of wine in your hand and a face.

Mask and thinking that's actually enough, enough.

To nourish your spirit.

But yeah, like, and that acknowledgment of your of, of what's happening to you internally, what your failings may be, what your successes may be, but all the. The diversity that you are on, your interior, having the awareness of that allows you to see the ways in which you may be harming yourself, but it also allows you to see the ways in which you may be harming others and to actually come to a place of understanding and, you know, connecting to your community in a healthy way. I know that I have not always, you know, treated everyone around me with the respect that they deserve. And that's something that I need to reckon with and consider and find the ways in which that I can rebuild those connections. You know, it's a thing that we all need to do. I don't believe that anyone on this earth is completely free of, like, being a dick sometimes. But, you know, like, it is, it is, it is contingent on all of us to take the personal responsibility.

Yeah. And honestly, I've. I came to this conclusion a few years ago because I was, you know, acting pretty out of pocket and just not coping with life, not coping with certain people in the community that I really struggled to kind of connect with and I had a lot of issues with. But I've come to realise, you know, there comes a point where you actually start getting excited for that introspection, where you do challenge yourself a bit and it's painful and it sucks, but there is also this level of excitement of, like, what comes out on the other end of that when you are self aware and you don't feel like you're the last person in the room to know this thing about yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

You feel like you've got a bit more control.

Absolutely.

And you feel like you've got a bit more direction.

Yeah. Having agency in your life.

Exactly.

Paradigm Shifts Podcast is available online and via your favourite podcasting app. Challenging the assumptions of our current society to investigate alternative ways of living for a world based on justice, solidarity and sustainability. Tune in to the Paradigm Shift podcast. Just search the Paradigm Shift for Triple Z. I am pulling that there because we're running out of time and I want to make sure that we have enough time to talk about all the things that we still need to talk about. So I put on that song by the Canadian band Arcade fire series in 2007 on the Neon Bible album. They are cisgendered people, but go and look at the lyrics, have another listen to that song and think about how their conversations about, you're standing next to me, the message of solidarity, the idea of your mind being A key that. Unlocking parts of yourselves that have been shut off from the world. They are taking what you are given and connecting it to the pressures of family and society and doing what is right for others, but not ourselves. And. And there is so much in that song to me that speaks to the trans experience and the queer, but that is not what that song was intended as. But hey, Death of the Author. I'm calling it now Arcade Fire My Body is a Cage from the Neon Bible album. Trans, Trans, trans Dumb. So remember, next time I'm going to be like Chris Hemsworth trans. If you don't, you don't start giving us the representation, we're just going to take it. So. So, yeah, so. So look to the world. Find the ways that you exist in it and make it yours. It belongs to you. It's just your world. It's your world as much as it is as anyone else's.

And as scary and as dark as it's feeling right now, I also want to make a note that it's also incredibly beautiful. And sometimes it's these dark moments where you really get to see that beauty come to life.

Oh, okay.

So, yeah, captivates people.

Remember the protest that was outside Parliament House a couple of weeks ago. A lot of people were there, a lot of you all were there. But while it was a terrible thing to have to go and do the sheer flood of people, I felt the safest I have ever felt in my life. I think physically in public. There was just so many people there.

Yeah.

You know, all stripes and colours, you know, from all walks. And it was. It was beautiful. It was quite simply beautiful.

It was. Yeah.

So we've talked a lot about. We've touched on trauma, we've touched on self care. Just want to do a quick reminder to everyone. There are a whole bunch of resources that exist out there in the world for you in these cases. If you are suffering from things like domestic violence and abuse, there are, you know, organisations such as DV Connect that. Oh, I should pull that up before I start speaking. That you can get on you, that you can contact on 1-800-811-811 or you can get in touch with 1-800-Respect on 1-800-737-7377. There's also organisations which you would have heard of, things like beyond blue etc. Etc. The merest smallest amount of Googling that you can do will get you connected to those organisations quite easily. But there is rather beyond the. The large scale umbrella, formalised help services, accessing community groups. Yeah, tell the dear listeners about accessing community groups.

Absolutely. So there are quite a few. I founded and manage the Trans collective Brisbane. Meaning and it is for trans people and for parents of trans children and so if you're trans and you are struggling or you want to connect and offer support, even if you just want to be connected to community, come and join us. We're on Facebook. We are also planning on creating a new trans collective and on different platform so that if you're not someone who is very comfortable with using Meta. Yeah, we've got that option.

Oh, I gotta get the hell. I gotta get the hell out that thing.

Yeah, but yeah, so come and find us on transcollective Brisbane Meangin. And yeah, get in contact with us in the. In the questions to join, just say you listen to us and Heidi sent.

You over and I suppose the reminder to everyone that while you might find it a little bit daunting at first to connect to Community directly in your town, you will be amazed how easy it becomes. Yeah, I mean certainly when I started connecting with Triple Z, I just, I won't listen to another radio station. I have no. I do not care about the top 40 damn charts coming out of the US and the corporate music machine. I want to hear artists that are local artists that I can just turn up to a pub on the weekend and see play. I want to, I want to know and understand the town that I live in and the people that are in it and the avenue to do that is community. Community organisations. So get on there to get on there onto the social medias and you will find all sorts of groups. Some might not be for you, some might not feel like the right fit.

Others will and there's plenty. And if, if you're not sure where to start, just come, come to a group like mine and you can just ask questions. We can point you in the right direction.

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. Take care my darlings. I hope you all have a wonderful.

Day and remember, we love you.

We love you so much. Thank you so much for listening to Transmission. See you next Tuesday, 9 to 10am on 4ZZZ.